Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Glee Episode Parallels My Life

Okay, so I of course loved the Glee episode last night.
When I was in high school, I played the part of Anita in West Side Story.  The part of Anita IS THE KICK-ASS Role in this show.

I believe that Mercedes, (Amber Riley) would kick ass in the role of Anita...but I digress.

The reason I was prompted to write was about how Glee parallels my life.

So, I was a senior in high school.  I auditioned for the role of Anita.  I knew that I could sing the role, but my dancing...not so hot.

I was actually called back for the role of Maria, but the singing was really, I felt, just too high for me - I tried, but...I am truly an alto.

I don't know if you have ever tried out for a musical, but it is nerve-racking!  The singing, the dancing, the reading for the different roles.  Sheesh!

Okay, so to the parallel between my high school experience and the Glee episode last night - 
It was the scene with Kurt, when he was listening outside the window while the coach, Emma, and Artie deliberated about the auditions so far.

After my high school auditions, then asked us to go outside and wait until they called us back in...they literally did the tryouts over two days, and decided before they sent us home the second day.

So when they sent us out, I ran back to the girls' dressing room to do something, or to get something...I don't remember what my reason was for going in there.  When I was finished, I intended to go out the back door of the theater, and join my friends around at the front of the building where everyone was waiting.

When I opened the door, I heard our choir director, Mr. Murphy, speaking.  "Well there is no doubt that she can sing the role.  She is the only person, in my opinion, who can tackle the vocals for Anita."  Then the drama director, "Mr. B." chimed in. "Trina what about the dancing? It's pretty demanding."
Trina replied that whoever they chose, she would simple choreograph based on the individual's ability.

I quietly closed the door.  There was no way I could sneak out.  I was mortified at the possibility of being thought of as a snoop - How would I explain, even though it was an innocent case of lagging?  So there I sat, nervously twitching in the only chair in the cramped 5' x 8' room.

When I heard voices trickling in, I realized I had to find a way to "meander" back into the room.  I peeked out waiting for the room to begin to fill up, then just slipped in with my friends seated in the theater.

I found out moments later, that they must have been talking about me - I got the role of Anita.

I shocked my classmates by dying my hair black for the role.  During lunch hour, I would put my hair in curlers for performance nights.  It was the dedication and gratitude for the opportunity to play such a fantastic role that allowed me to surpass any possible embarrassment and attend my last few classes wearing "rollers" in my hair.  

And it was totally worth it.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

My Chemical Romance - Part Two

So, if you haven't already read it, you should definitely check out part one of this story.
Moving on...I was in early sobriety, so I really didn't make the connection between Mike at the Friday night AA meeting and the gorgeous blue-eyed guy coming through my line every morning to get his coffee.
After all, when I saw Mike on Friday nights, he had a shaved head, nice clean jeans and a dress shirt.
 When I saw him in the morning, on his way to work, he had a knit cap on....Well, yeah, the common denominator was the gorgeous blue eyes...but I digress...
I didn't realize that beneath the knit cap was a shaved head...You also need to know that I was attending seven to ten AA meetings each week, and that I saw about 400 people in the course of a work day coming through my coffee shop.  Sheesh!  A person can get confused, okay?

So one night, I went home after a late night at work.  My roommate told me about this guy who had told his amazing story at an AA speaker meeting that night.  She detailed his struggles and how he beat the odds and overcame lots of issues to better his life.  I had really wished I could have heard him speak.

The next morning at work, the handsome blue-eyed guy in the knit cap came through my line.
"I spoke at New House II last night," he said.
"Oh my God. That was you?"  I replied.  "My roomie told me about your talk.  She said it was amazing!"

He told me that he recorded the talk and asked when I was working again so he could bring me a CD.
The next day he brought me the CD, which I listened to that very afternoon.  It didn't go unnoticed that he put his phone number with the CD.  When I was finished with it, I called him.

"Your story is amazing" I said.  "Thank you so much for sharing it with me."

"You listened to it? When did you listen to it?"  I told him that I played it as soon as I got home.
I think he was blown away.

He asked me to go with him to the Friday night meeting the very next day.

I said "Yes."

Part three of the story, coming soon...♥

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My Chemical Romance, Part One

My Back Story
So, many of you do not know this, but I am in recovery.
In September of 2009, the 29th to be exact, I decided that I was powerless over alcohol, and needed the help of medical professionals, and God, to overcome my addiction.
The most difficult thing about checking myself into treatment was the fact that it was my father's birthday.
I kid you not.  I wanted to be a good daughter, so I called him to wish him a happy birthday.
He said "Thank you. How are you?"
I could hear the gulp...I answered that I was alright, but I was in the hospital.
That was the worst feeling ever.  I went on to explain that I had (finally) decided that I needed to
detox from alcohol and get treatment.  I wasn't sure what the next step was, but I wanted him to know that I was safe and under the care of some really good physicians.
Thank God, my dad was one of my biggest supporters/

Flash Forward - Ninety Days
After I went through a month of inpatient treatment, I went back to work and into sober living.
Sober living is shared housing, usually with two to four people in a room.  Random drug testing and required self help meetings (such as AA) are required as a condition of living requirements.

I was so happy to be back to work and felt a new freedom from not drinking.
I took a bus from my house near the Santa Barbara Harbor (an awesome place to be - close to the beach and a lot of great meetings...).

I kept up attendance to my favorite meeting - a Friday night meeting in a Goleta church.  It was a speaker meeting, which meant that there was one person telling their story about how they overcame their problems and found out how to live life on life's terms.

I didn't know it at the time, but that's where Mike first saw me.

I was with my rehab group, just four days after I stopped drinking...I was required to go to this meeting right out of the hospital.  I didn't even have anything to wear except the sweat pants I had worn to the hospital...

But what Mike remembered was my smile.
He said that I had a positive attitude.  When he reached out, I hugged him and he said "Keep Coming back"
And I said that I would.

Little did I know that he saw me every day at work, and knew that I didn't make the connection between us and that Friday night meeting...

Stay tuned for more of the story.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Finally Friday!

It's so gorgeous today, and thankfully, not as frickin' hot as it has been for the past week.
I slept in, something I LOVE, and snuggled with my sweet chihuahua, Coco.
Mike and I are going to order a pizza from Rusty's.
Large pizza, thin crust, pepperoni, ham, pineapple, onion and extra cheese.
And a large order of cheesy garlic bread. Yum!
Yes, I have abandoned the diet.  But not for long.  This excess weight has really become the bane of my existence.  I feel like I have no energy or stamina, and I cannot bear the hot weather.  I have become lazy, sedentary...well, lazy says it all, right?

And I am sure that some of you can relate to the fact that extra pounds definitely make me feel less sexy.
Mike loves me no matter what, and I really need to do what is healthy.
I will fill you in over the next few weeks as to what I decide to do and how to go about it.
I need all the help I can get.

Love you all and hope you have a great weekend!!



Thursday, September 8, 2011

Cricket, Anyone?

Okay.  So I heard this faint noise coming from the kitchen.
When I opened our bedroom door, the sound of a cricket echoed throughout the entire downstairs of our house.

Doesn't anyone else hear this??  
Oh my God.  It's like a woodpecker boring a hole in the side of my head.
And it's coming from behind the refrigerator.

And that's when I became hysterical - with laughter, because it reminded me of an episode of Frasier.
Frasier, and his dad, Martin, (Kelsey Grammar and John Mahoney), became obsessed with catching this cricket that had set up camp behind their refrigerator, and kept them up all night "singing."
They went down to the pet store and bought a gecko, because they were told that geckos eat crickets.
They fashioned a leash made of dental floss, fastened it to the gecko, and let him do his thing.
Wait...Sshhhh...Can you hear that?
It's the beautiful sound of silence.
Maybe the cricket has gone to sleep.
Goodnight, all. ♥

Friday, September 2, 2011

Friday Fragments...Life is in Session

It doesn't matter what I do, life keeps happening.
Work, home. Home, work.
Home, work, home, work.
Maybe that's why in school, we had to do homework.
I am at a point in my life where, I have to take care of myself and my family.
Mike and I have our "kids", Coco and Zip.
 Coco is so sweet and loving, and is the best snuggler in the world!

Here's Zip, with her house buddy, Rascal.

They bring a lot of love to our lives.  So does our human family.  But, unfortunately, we all have times when we disappoint one another.  It is difficult when I have a young person in my family who is making poor choices.  But I have to remember that I have made mistakes in my own journey.

 So I hope and pray that things will get better.  I cannot control the choices of a young adult.  My mother is an incredible narcissist, and tried to control me and my brothers for most of our lives.  It was extremely difficult to live with a person, whose approval I learned to be so dependent upon.  Every error in judgment, every little mistake I made, just in the course of growing up, was met with "Don't you know how what YOU do affects Me???" 

I didn't realize for many, many years, that isn't normal parenting.  Being a parent requires a lot of selfless choices and unconditional love.  I didn't get that from my mom.

As a result of my experiences, I have probably detatched, and sometimes, to a fault.  I have learned to let go, and let God...I care about others, especially  my own family, no matter how much I love them, but I do my best to stay out of their lives when it comes to the decision-making.

When I got to the worst point in my life, I was drinking way too much, and it was beginning to affect my life in all aspects - personal, professional, no fun, no progress...and I was physically manifesting symptoms of my was awful...And my family had had enough.  They looked to me to help myself.
And so, I did.  And it has made all the difference.

My son is still in a bad place.  I have to pray for him until he gets to the point where he wants to help himself.
Meanwhile, I am heartbroken.

Please pray for us both, and for the rest of our friends and family.

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