Sunday, January 8, 2012

Another Saturday Night and I Ain't Got Nobody

And so it goes.  I am continuing to adjust to single life.  But it's a process.

Some of my friends are the "come out and party with us" types.  Thank God they were around on New Year's Eve, or I would have been alone.  How sad would that have been?

Some of my friends are the controlling type. "You need to do this." "You don't need to do that." I know they mean well, but I'm going to do what is best for me.

They may know me well, but only I know my whole story.  Only I know what I truly need. 

I need friends who love me and don't judge me.  Friends who know that I need nurturing.  Friends who not only listen, but hear what I am saying.

I need to learn to take down the wall between me and those few people in my life with which I can achieve true intimacy.

But in order to do that, I need to get reacquainted with myself. I need to learn what I need and what I want.

I need to find what I am passionate about, explore it, and feed it. I need to let my heart heal.

And of that means surrounding myself with friends sometimes, that's okay. If I'm doing something or spending time with someone, in large, to feed my ego, right now I'm just fine with that.

I'm rebuilding my self esteem.  I'm making Gina a better person. Because honestly, for the last six months or so, I did not like who she had become.

Bit by bit, the old me is coming back.

So you'd better look out.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. I don't know you and have never met you, but just read your blog. I think that it is great you are trying to rebuild your self-esteem and get your life changed for the positive. But given your circumstances over the last six months, perhaps your judgement on what is best for yourself needs to be reevaluated. Your friends might see things that you are not seeing, and it might feel controlling, but if you take the time to really listen and examine what they are saying, you might find that they have good advice. Sometimes tough love is what we need. Keep in mind that by blogging these things, you could be angering the very people who are trying to help you, and at a time like this you need all of the friends that you can get. If you aren't happy about friends helping you, perhaps a counselor would be good.

    Good luck and congrats for taking positive steps to make yourself happy and get it a good place in your life.

  3. You make some very good points. I think the way I started things may have sounded harsh, and the very closest friends know who I am and I respect their opinions. They also know I am stubborn and need to regain my independence.
    Having said that, I appreciate your feedback. Everyone has different ways of dealing with change and loss. I know that all of my friends are helping, regardless of there individual styles. I love them all dearly and am grateful to have them in my life.


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